Instead of 17 Lies, I will Teach My Kids 5 Truths about Sexual Intimacy

There's a list going around social media entitled “17 Lies We Need to Stop Teaching Girls About Sex.” I've had a few conversations about it, and I just can’t stay silent. As much as I don't want to aid the efforts of its popularity, you’re free to check it out using the link above.

Some of lies mentioned are truly lies. Our girls (and boys alike) need to know that sexual harassment is not okay, that it is always okay to say “no”, and that everyone, in fact, is not doing it. However, as a former high school teacher, youth group volunteer, mom, and a believer in Jesus Christ, I cannot be all right with the overall ideas in this article.

This has made me start thinking about how I have taught students in the past and how I will teach my kids in the future. I’ve decided rather than try to cleverly come up with "lies" I think the culture has made, I will teach truth from the God of Creation.

1. I will teach that our bodies are temples of the Living God who created us (1 Cor. 6:19-20). We have been told to keep them pure and holy out of love and respect for our Creator. That should be a part of every aspect of our lives. It goes down to the foods we eat, exercise, the TV we watch, and sexual intimacy.

2. I will teach that even though the world (especially America) has made it confusing with its obsession to sexualize everything, once we are followers of Christ we are called not to conform to this world but be transformed by the Holy Spirit (Romans 12:2). What we put into our hearts and our minds is very important (Matt. 5:27-28). We don't stay away from the nastiness the world has to offer because of rules and laws, we stay away from it because once the Holy Spirit has begun its work in us, we see with a Kingdom perspective that things like casual sex, pornography, and sex outside of marriage are ultimately not good for us, our family, or our community. I will NEVER be okay with ANYONE trying to teach my children or children that I have connection to that any of those things are acceptable.

**If you are a teenage girl who has read the list of 17 lies, please consider that the God of the Universe knows better than any hands behind a keyboard…including my own. Seek that first. It is truth that every heart longs for whether they’re aware of the gaping hole or not.

3. I will teach that intimacy between a husband and wife is beautiful and God-made (Ephesians 5:20-29). Students and young adults who are waiting until marriage should not have in their mind that intimacy is wrong (Hebrews 13:4). They should have in their mind that it is going to be spectacular with the one God has created for them. It'll be really, really great considering the entire dating or courtship relationship is like foreplay until the wedding night. I actually can’t even come up with a single Bible verse, so just go check Song of Solomon. Grab a commentary if you need help understanding what’s happening, but I promise, they’re enjoying one another.

4. I will teach that in God's eyes all sins are equal, but on earth the consequences vary. God will forgive, but that does not cancel the actions here, sexual and otherwise. His Word teaches (whether our society wants to accept it or not) that there is no sin quite like sexual sin. It is something done to one's body... His temple (1 Cor. 6:18). The consequences are often more severe emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

5. Most importantly, because Jesus himself said it was the second most important commandment, I will teach that we are called to love (Matt. 22:36-40). Everyone. No matter what. I will also teach the students under my leadership and the babies under my roof that there is nothing they have done or can do that can make me not love them, and their God feels the same way. He is a God of forgiveness and new beginnings. If there have been mistakes made and relationships had outside of His design, He is ALWAYS waiting with open arms to offer mercy and grace. There is NOTHING that can be done that He will not forgive. He loved YOU so much that He sent His Son not to condemn the world, but to save it (John 3:17). He could foresee. He knows we’re imperfect and foolish, but He loves us and desires to save us anyway!

Jesus wants you in His family no matter what your past looks like. He created us to desire relationships, and He can restore and create healthy ones in your life if you allow Him. This is not a message of shame and regret…that the author of the 17 lies wants to fight against. This is a message of hope. 

Consider Before Communion...

The church that we’ve been attending is similar to churches we’ve been a part of in the past in many ways (Check out CyFair Christian Church HERE). One difference is that we observe communion every Sunday rather than once a month. I also have the honor of taking it again each Tuesday morning at ladies Bible study. When I first realized this was such a regular thing, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. But now, there’s no question in my mind.

For I pass on to you what I received from the Lord himself. On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and said, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.”  In the same way, he took the cup of wine after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant between God and his people—an agreement confirmed with my blood. Do this to remember me as often as you drink it.

For every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you are announcing the Lord’s death until he comes again. So anyone who eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord unworthily is guilty of sinning against[g] the body and blood of the Lord. That is why you should examine yourself before eating the bread and drinking the cup. For if you eat the bread or drink the cup without honoring the body of Christ, you are eating and drinking God’s judgment upon yourself.”

1 Corinthians 11:23-29 (emphasis added)

The Lord’s Supper is no small act. It is a simple piece of bread with either wine or grape juice, but it is extremely complex. Paul urged that people understand that only believers in Jesus Christ take it, and those believers must examine their hearts thoroughly beforehand. This examination is what I’ve come to be so incredibly thankful for.

There are many things in this Christian walk that can be turned on auto-pilot if we’re not careful. We can complete our Bible study “homework” just to show that we made time for it. We can pray before we go to bed without any actual attempt to mean what we say and communicate with our Heavenly Father. We can teach our kids that Jesus loves them just because it’s the first song that comes to mind. I suppose someone could auto-pilot the Lord ’s Supper, but I sure can’t. Many believers I’ve talked to about it feel the same way.

There are often times I dread it. I know the minute I see the shiny plates that my heart is not where it should be. I know that I’ve been horrible to my husband that morning. I know I’ve been inpatient with my son. I’ve judged others in my heart, and I am so incredibly unworthy of the God I serve and the blessings I’ve been given. I’ve put on a front already at some point in the day even if church service and Bible study are in the morning.

Although I know that I can go to God with anything at any time, I don’t. However, I am drawn to His presence if I plan on partaking in this small symbolic meal. I can’t put it off like I so often do.

You think He planned it this way? I’m sure He did, and I’m so very thankful. Our God is not a God about religion or traditions or rituals. He is a God of mercy, grace, forgiveness, and discipline. He gave us some things that we should do that are both for our own benefit and for His greater glory. It took me years to see that breaking the bread that is His body and taking the cup that is His blood is both our benefit and for His glory. That is the beauty of communion.