My Stay-At-Home Struggle is NOT That I Work Too Much

I have a beautiful family. I have a beautiful life. Each day I try and remind myself of all the places, circumstances, and situations our young lives have already experienced. I’m grateful for our decision to eat real food and that I have a pantry and fridge full of it. I’m grateful for this two bedroom apartment within walking distance to a library and park (another full-fledged answer to prayer). I can’t be thankful enough for the schedule my husband has with this new office that allows M and I to keep the car just about any time we like.

Because of these things, I can’t stand myself when I find this ugly place of discontentment. Here’s the deal, there’s been a trend in the last year or so claiming that many stay-at-home-moms work harder than their working counterparts. I have close friends with three or more children, so I TOTALLY get that claim. I respect and adore those beautiful women who pour their hearts into so many little people day in and day out. But me? No…this mama doesn’t work harder than her husband. That is not my struggle.

I often feel like a failure. I’m not writing this seeking encouragement or affirmation. I’m writing it because it’s been in my chest for so long that maybe it needs to be written. It’s so easy to feel like there isn’t much of a purpose when you’re solely responsible for one little person the majority of the day. I see those amazing mamas out there with big families, and I’m just chilling out over here with my sixteen-month old. Some are working and staying at home; I’m not contributing financially. Then, there’s the working mom, and I don’t even know how she does it. I miss my baby boy after Bible study on Tuesday mornings, I can’t fathom leaving him for an entire working day.

My struggle is not that I work too much. It is that I feel like I’m not working enough.

I LOVE this job. Long before we even thought of babies, J and I agreed that I would stay home no matter what financial place we were in. We have stood by that, and I’m so grateful. I enjoy cooking from scratch. I take pride in providing good food, clean clothes, and a tidied home for my family. However, it is hard sometimes to think back and miss a life that once was. I miss the classroom, the students, the coworkers, and the challenge. I miss the idea of more income (in our entire marriage we’ve never had two incomes at one time). I miss the shower and clothes that accompany going to work.

On the way to take J to work today, Josh Wilson’s Pushing Back the Dark came on the radio. I’ve found it to be my anthem this morning.

“Whatever you do, just don't look back.

 Cause somebody needs the light you have.

 Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.

 Keep on pushing back the dark…”

I know I’m not alone in these feelings. I have been reminded today of how human nature is truly made up of darkness. God made us in His image, but we fell. I have heard this song several times; it was just especially convicting this morning. We are called to be a light in the darkness; however, that can’t happen unless we “keep pushing back the dark” that is inside of us. It is not of God for anyone to feel like a failure. Most especially if we know our lives are walking in His will. Could there be more for me out there? Yes. Should I explore some of it? I might. Should I feel like a failure if I don’t? No.

I cannot vouch for this, but many wise women continuously remind that this season of life is a short one. Moms, we have to be all right if coloring on walls, playing in the dirt, and walking to the park are what make up our days. If our families grow, and we end up working harder than our husbands, then that’ll be a different story. For now, I must be okay, and maybe even excited, that I don’t feel like I work enough. I will seek out things to challenge my mind and my body. I will dive into God’s word. I will bake some cookies. I will run. Maybe even paint my nails. Through it all, I will fight these feelings of failure, and I will strive to push back the dark. I hope you’ll join me.

The Proverbs 31 Woman...She was Human Too

The Proverbs 31 woman. Sometimes she’s inspiring. Other times convicting. Occasionally she’s maybe even a little annoying. How are we supposed to be like her? A few months ago I read Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian with some friends, and before I even finished the introduction, I took out my Bible, hand wrote Proverbs 31:10-31, and I posted it in front of my kitchen sink so that I can see it throughout the day. I experience every mood possible while standing in front of my kitchen sink. Sometimes I wash dishes joyfully and full of energy while listening to Pandora or a Focus on the Family Podcast. Sometimes I’m anxious, angry, or upset with circumstances that may or not be dishes related.

One particular day, I was tired and irritable. I wasn’t grateful that my sweet husband had tried to help tidy up, and I glanced at my bulletin board to see a few scattered verses about this puzzle piece in our Old Testament. “(11) Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life…(17)She is energetic and strong, a hard worker…(28) Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her.”

After reading those verses, I thought to myself, “but she was human.” These attributes are not natural, and they did not happen overnight. There was a time when her husband was doing the dishes differently and she held her tongue. When the living room was poorly tidied and she quietly accepted it. There may have been moments when anxiety and worry threatened to take over and create uncontrollable emotions that took her years to learn how to breakthrough. This chapter describes her for what she did and who she became, but it does not explain how she arrived there.

It wasn’t easy, and if I was a betting gal, I’d put money down that each day was a continual display of discipline and victory over her natural, human desires and behavior. I’d even guess some days weren’t victories.

And that…should give us hope.

There’s only one perfect person in Scripture. His name is Jesus. He calls us to follow the examples of our elders (Titus 2:4), and He has provided several in His Word. They are not perfect, and that should be music to our ears.

I don’t want to be so controlling over how things are in my home that my husband, child, or guests don’t feel comfortable helping out. I want my husband to be able to trust me and talk to me without feeling like he needs to tread carefully because I might explode. I don’t want to be tired or lazy or weak. I want my children (now and future) to be able to stand and be happy and grateful and blessed that God let me be their mom.

The Proverbs 31 woman is praised because she daily decided to ask her Creator to help her be the wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend that He made her to be. That’s what He calls us to do. We’re only human. She was too. That means, with the help of our Lord, all things (including sanity in the midst of household chores, toddler tantrums, and shower-less days) really are possible (Matt. 9:26).

If you’ve never taken a moment, or just need a good refresher from the word of God, give this a read. And maybe a spot in front of your kitchen sink.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchants ship; she brings her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She watches for bargains; her lights burn late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.

She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.

She has no fear of winter for her household because all of them have warm clothes. She quilts her own bedspreads. She dresses like royalty in gowns of finest cloth.

Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness.

Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her; “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publically declare her praise.

Proverbs 31:10-31

A Time to Write

Ecclesiastes 3 is known for its poetic repetition. “There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal…” The list and lessons continue on for eight verses.

My family has recently completed a time to start anew (at least I hope we’ve completed it for a while!). We moved back to the mainland from Puerto Rico in February (to read more about our island adventures, please visit: LaAventura), we were camped out in Louisiana with family for a while before moving to the Dallas area. Then, truly because we felt it was where the Lord was leading, my husband, J, accepted a position in the Houston area, causing us to break a lease and move without having any housing set up. We have been stressed out, worried, and broken. But we have witnessed God’s provision in the past couple of years in ways that we’d struggle to believe if we weren’t the ones in the middle of it. Now we are settling and relaxing…and now God is convicting.

I blog with two wonderful ladies who were (and continue to be!) some of my closest friends during our time in Puerto Rico. Follow that blog here: PassionateMindfulandContent.  All three of us have been in transition lately. One of the girls, A, has just moved to Guam with her Coast Guard husband and sweet, sweet little girl. D has relocated to her hometown in Missouri because of her husband’s job. What was once reliable posting has turned into hit-and-miss monthly. D has held it together better than all of us, but I digress.

There are not many things I am passionate about. I believe Jesus is Lord and I need to live my life according to His will, whatever the cost. I loved the classroom when I was in it, and I think education for our students is one of the best investments we could ever make. I believe our bodies are temples and we should feed them a beautiful variety of God-made foods because they ultimately belong to Him. I am passionate about living as naturally as possible in these times of technology, medicine, and waste. And…I love the written word, although I haven’t consumed or produced very much of it as of late.

I recently began a ladies’ Bible study, and I’m very excited about it. In our first meeting on Tuesday, I felt the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart that I needed to write again. It may be for my soul. Writing is therapeutic and God knows my spirit can be very weighed down at times. It may be for one other soul out there. One of my biggest desires in life is just to be used for my Savior’s glory. I’m not exactly sure how this will unfold, but I am sure that I’m supposed to be disciplined in my task. So, that’s what I’m going to try to do.

After those eight verses of poetry, Solomon says in verses 9-11, “What do people really get for all their hard work? I have thought about this in connection with the various kinds of work God has given people to do. God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”

I’m excited to see what God has next in His beautiful timing.

God bless.